New use for the bump

I was due for a new cell phone so I went to the LA Cellular store (name of cell phone company changed to protect the guilty/those who took advantage of the guilty party’s offerings of free things) near my office yesterday. As usual, there was a very long wait for help.

After watching my name slowly creep to the top of the waiting list, it was another 20 minutes before I was called. During that time, I tried to take my new belly out for a spin, sticking it out as much as possible hoping someone would take pity on the poor pregnant lady forced to stand and wait just to spend more money at this store. I made sure that every sales person saw me looking rather “sad and uncomfortable.”

Lo and behold, my name was called (I don’t think the stomach stunt had anything to do with it) and I walked up to the counter for help. As I already have a Blackberry with Internet access for work, I explained that I simply wanted a standard free phone and a one year contract.

The salesman was very friendly. He looked me up in the system and when he noticed that I was eligible for a corporate discount, he started asking me lots of questions about my job, telling me about his day, etc. It was slightly awkward, he seemed a little too nosy when asking about me but I figured this was some new way LA Cellular was training its employees to extract information from customers so that they could later market more overpriced cell phone accessories and plans to us.

When we walked over to examine the few phones that fit my criteria, I learned, as I suspected, they were only free if I signed a two year contract. I picked a phone I liked and while the salesman fetched it, I mulled over whether it was worth paying for this phone just to get a one year contract.

When the salesman returned, to my surprise, he offered to give me the phone I wanted, for free, with a one year contract. He explained he was doing this because, as he put it, “you’re cute.” I said “thank you.” I assumed he meant that I was a cute pregnant lady who he wanted to help out. But he then corrected himself by saying, “actually, I shouldn’t say you’re cute. Someone told me that if you tell a woman she is cute, you end up as the friend. So, I should say, ‘you’re attractive.’” He then went on to tell me how young I looked and again mentioned that I was cute/attractive. At this point, I was utterly confused. I had no idea that I was still eligible to be hit on in my current state. Let’s review the evidence that is really hard to avoid:

I’m 6 months pregnant. There is a definite bump in front of me. So, there is a pretty good chance that while I might not be married, I am more than likely involved with someone or was up until pretty recently and will probably be too busy to date in a few months. Granted, he was only looking at me from behind a counter with just a chest-up view but did he really not notice my “sad and uncomfortable” pregnant lady strut across the store for 20 minutes? What about when we walked over to look at cell phones? Does he just have a thing for bellies or the possibility of an unattached mom-to-be?

Either way, if he was going to ignore the facts and participate in some sort of fantasy that resulted in me getting a free phone with a one year contract (and at this point he also offered to waive the $20 transfer fee of my phone numbers and pictures and upgrade my existing plan to give me 150 more text messages a month) who was I to correct him? Feminism aside, this was going to save me a lot of money.

At the end of the day, I have a new phone which I really like, a new cell phone plan, and a new outlook on the utility of my bump. May the free stuff continue.